its raining today.

which got me thinking. as you may have read in my past blog post here, things have maybe just felt a little bit off for me lately.  the only way i could think to explain it was “not being on my a game”. which is true. and hard. and also maybe not my favorite place to be.

but with that, ive been finding something very interesting. and that is the idea of renewal. renewal is a beautiful thing, something that i dont think i make very much time to look for. and what im realizing lately is… why the heck not?!

things are not all better or perfect by any means, and this is in no way my attempt at being like, omigosh look a week later things are perfect and i am so wise and have my life figured out! phew, well what a nice little “season of learning” that was. no. none of that would be true.

what i am saying though is that i feel like, because of where i find myself, ive been thinking about things that i dont normally. like grace. and hope. and friendship. and what that all means when things arent just wonderfully fine and dandy. when, instead, things are hard. because that, i think, is where what you really believe and rely on within each of these things shows up. with a nice little “hello my name is ___” sticker to accompany it. because, chances are, you dont even necessarily recognize it. you’ve forgotten how to look for it. its impact on your life has become mundane.

and so what im finding is i need to be reminded. i need to be reminded that only from death can we truly understand the beauty and sanctity of life. only from pain can we really know joy. without the contrast, the things to smile about in life just exist without any deeper meaning or appreciation for how glorious they really are.

and thats the most beautiful thing really – rebirth exists. its like the rain… sure it causes car accidents, especially in california where people dont know what it means to have any sort of liquid falling from the sky and so therefore just about go paralytic anytime precipitation actually becomes a part of their daily lives, but its more than that. rain represents the start of something new, something sweeter that can only begin when what was before finds itself dry and unable to function. when newness is needed because the old just wasnt quite functioning like it should anymore.

in fact, maybe, the old was just a little burnt out.

but think about what else that means. that means that beauty never wants to stop existing. and hope really does hold on. because these things will fight their way through, even through the old dry dirtiest of stuff, to create something new and stunning all over again. they dont give up.

and i guess what im remembering by actually looking for it is that they dont give up in my life either.

this season is worth something. its worth fighting for. because the process of old to new, death to life isnt fun. but it allows for renewal – something even more beautiful than what was – to be created once again.


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