sometimes i don’t have very good manners.

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what i realized tonight is that i am that girl who slurps her soup at the table. who thinks it is much better to pick up the bowl to ensure every last sip has been enjoyed rather than coyly using her spoon to sip daintily along and not exactly getting that last bit at the bottom.

i don’t think I’m ladylike.

im not sure about my manners.

but i do know that, in many an area, i have been learning what it means to accept myself lately. this might sound silly, but faced with a new job that I’m fairly certain i know about 1/8th of the stuff about that i actually need to, i have found myself second guessing who i am. and needing to apologize for the person i see. and the things I’m not good at.

I’m sorry i don’t know how to do this. I’m sorry i talk so loud when theres three of us in the room. i sorry i asked the intern if she cried when she cut her hair. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry….

but here is the deal, ladies and gents. i am who i am. with room for improvement of course. but i want to give myself grace and permission to do that in small doses day by day bringing ALL OF ME to the things I’m doing without apologizing for it. and trusting that when i apologize for it i lose a small piece of the big purpose God has set out for me here on this earth. after all, he didn’t make me ME for no reason. with all of my quirks traits and tendencies.

I’m supposed to be that person – the soup slurper. and while I’m confessing here, i often talk with my mouth full too. oops. but I’m learning (TRYING) to say no to timidity and YES to confidence. and not the fake confidence, the real kind.

i owe these realizations (that are sticking at least for this march 7 night) to convos with roommates, friends, and parents. thank goodness for kind, wise, patient people when you are losing it.

also, if you ever need a good chickpea and kale soup i highly recommend le pain quotidien. its bomb. i wish you, one and all, a beautiful night.

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A call on 20-somethings.

good morning sweet friends. or maybe its afternoon. to be truthful I’m not really sure as slow leisurely mornings have just become a part of my lifestyle – blessing and curse :) having a work schedule that functions on the later side means i get morning eggs and toast and lazy days of sleeping in. but it also certainly means that i never and i mean NEVER work out in the morning like i think I’m going to. oops. productivity in some ways these days has not been my strong suit outside of work…. but day by day I’m becoming more okay with it. or i guess today I’m okay with it. but I’m not so sure how ill feel tomorrow :)

this morning, sipping my coffee and thinking about how i NEED to get ready for work SOON (the being on time resolution has been a bit of a struggle) i flipped through my “blog feed” or whatever it is of blogs i follow and came upon this gem of a post below. i feel like someone slapped me across the face at multiple points of reading it in the best way. love her writing style. love her thoughts. and, ultimately, love that i felt like i needed to scribble down quotes every 5 seconds while reading. i’m not really a re-blogger, or maybe i am who knows, but either way i thought this needed to be shared with each of you this morning :)

enjoy. and let me know your thoughts. as always. if you wish :) the comment section is down there ——v

hannah brencher.

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My words are not a parachute.

They won’t soften the landing when that moment buckles your knees and breaks you down to the floor. My words, they’re not no cold bucket of water. They won’t extinguish the doubt that blazes heavy, heavy, like a fire catching to all the pretty things you touch. Nothing I write can prepare you for that moment.. maybe you already know the one.

It’s going to hit you at some point. It might meet you randomly. 2am. 4am. When you’re standing in the middle of a crowded campus or alone in your cubicle beside a cactus you keep forgetting to water. No matter where you are, it’ll hit you. And you’ll look up suddenly. And you’ll look around. And you’ll let these words slip out from your lips, “Why am I here?”

Why am I here? And what am I doing? And this? Well, this…

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being a grown up.

i am currently sitting at the kitchen table in work out clothes with my hair pulled back into a somewhat horrendous looking braid still wearing the apron i cooked breakfast in because i have a tendency to forget i even … Continue reading

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i am fairly convinced that i have the greatest friends in the world. they’re the kind of people that you walk by in the grocery store and you think, hmm they seem kinda fun. they’re the kind of people to … Continue reading