sometimes i don’t have very good manners.

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what i realized tonight is that i am that girl who slurps her soup at the table. who thinks it is much better to pick up the bowl to ensure every last sip has been enjoyed rather than coyly using her spoon to sip daintily along and not exactly getting that last bit at the bottom.

i don’t think I’m ladylike.

im not sure about my manners.

but i do know that, in many an area, i have been learning what it means to accept myself lately. this might sound silly, but faced with a new job that I’m fairly certain i know about 1/8th of the stuff about that i actually need to, i have found myself second guessing who i am. and needing to apologize for the person i see. and the things I’m not good at.

I’m sorry i don’t know how to do this. I’m sorry i talk so loud when theres three of us in the room. i sorry i asked the intern if she cried when she cut her hair. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry….

but here is the deal, ladies and gents. i am who i am. with room for improvement of course. but i want to give myself grace and permission to do that in small doses day by day bringing ALL OF ME to the things I’m doing without apologizing for it. and trusting that when i apologize for it i lose a small piece of the big purpose God has set out for me here on this earth. after all, he didn’t make me ME for no reason. with all of my quirks traits and tendencies.

I’m supposed to be that person – the soup slurper. and while I’m confessing here, i often talk with my mouth full too. oops. but I’m learning (TRYING) to say no to timidity and YES to confidence. and not the fake confidence, the real kind.

i owe these realizations (that are sticking at least for this march 7 night) to convos with roommates, friends, and parents. thank goodness for kind, wise, patient people when you are losing it.

also, if you ever need a good chickpea and kale soup i highly recommend le pain quotidien. its bomb. i wish you, one and all, a beautiful night.